You were breathing so hoarse , for over two hours and no one tried to wake you , it was day break, they did not even think of giving you breakfast , when you did not wake up for lunch they felt your pulse , you were dead.You were fighting death in your airways.I was told you took an overdose.You did not leave behind a note,a lover,nor a child. Just that flute of yours. We often discussed death and you joked,you would come back to tell me what it is like in that other world if you did go first. Brother , I am waiting for your ghost to explain why you left me.


His lower lip was on my
upper lip
His chin with a stubble
brushed my lower lip
his eyes were so close
His breath on my face
He cursed or pleaded
I am not sure
it was a soft voice
almost inaudible
“Please do not speak
of love and death in
the same breath ..please”
There were tears
in his eyes…..


That was in childhood
When we could hide
a feather
a scented eraser
or a brush of right size
to draw an outline..
We did not tell that we
ate gooseberries in class room
Or that some one else’s
homework I did…..
Or that mom threatened
divorce and matter
was serious.
We believed adults always
told the truth
We kids were liars
We kept secrets
Now as adults,
We know children never lied
Those were open secrets.


It was very dark at mid day

A rain that did not arrive

Yet the air was stagnant

allowed the clouds to gather

I was stifled

At midnight it arrived

Washed away a road

causing marks of tyres

as they bulldozed

the newly wet road

With in hours all was dry

Leaves were intact

holding the last few drops

At the tips , like tears

that linger on the lashes

Years later



The bike on which we sat got entangled to the carrier attached to a bus ahead of us,when the green signal flashed the bus moved and our bike almost toppled. You screamed “jump” I continued to hold on…You screamed ” Are you mad ? Jump” I sat stubbornly. Bystanders alerted the driver to stop , he halted. We were out of danger. You asked ” Why didn’t you jump?” I said , “I promised to live with you and die with you”


I knew you were  ravaged , a girl half your size tore away .  You found a girl married to a man twice her size to tell what you wanted to tell the  Lolita who left you. Because I was not the Lolita you searched for in  young women who fascinated you , I thought truth can cure you of the lie and face can touch the mask. You tried all the abusive strategies to keep me chained forever in a flash back…What a pity … You have been trying so hard to recover a broken self  by being an abuser…..Choose the vulnerable part……that is the part you want to feel inside you.


I warned her she did not heed me

She jumped over tall walls

Drank from old unused wells

Playing with butterflies

She grew wings and even

smiled in her sleep

Last week I found her

In the mental asylum

Bald spots where flowers used to be

Limpid pools where stars used to be

Wounds where wings used to be

Doctor said she is just depressed

Gave her red tablets

It seems chemicals in her brain had

lost their balance

Some neurons had fired too much

That silly little girl stirs in me

Despite the tablets

Her wounded wings flutter

in the nights

Sometimes when I laugh

I hear her sobs in the corridors

I am waiting for her to smile…..