FEELING SORRY FOR LESS THAN HANDSOME

While Sirish abhorred the vulnerability,  he was condemned to see, because of his refinement, Rakesh saw it as an opportunity, “The camera man spent less time behind the camera and more time behind the bathroom door, so what happened? Soapy touches slip you know?” The fact that her mother was disenchanted with the silver screen, even before the completion of the project, stripped Madhu of her star status, even before she achieved it. So this heroic act assumed the absurdity inherent in tragedies. Losing Anand had hurt her, now Sirish seemed to be callous. She had thought of him as an older friend, some one who treated her as a person, not as a woman. In that world of glamour, woman was not a person, sometimes she was more than a person, goddess of eros, sometimes less than a person. Vulnerability was a feminine quality. It did not occur to Madhu that perhaps Sirish was also vulnerable. “Listen Rakesh, what is the problem with you? Why are you after me? What do you want, can you be straight?” “I want you, baby now what next? You can spill, yes or no”

Madhu looked at his weird appearance, crazy manners, general attitude meant to show off. She had expected some vague joke, not this, definitely not this. As though he read her face he burst out laughing, “ Stop looking like someone shot you dead, I was trying to get fresh, I try this often, I succeed often” Madhu once again felt sorry for him . It felt awful to look like omenpart2 or vampire some times. For years after the abuse, she had thought it was because she was so ugly that he had abused her. No one would believe that this ugly girl could provoke any man, so he had done that, she thought it was her precocious female body that caused it, she had learnt to achieve beauty with so much pain, she thought nothing is impossible. There was nothing she could do about the female body, she would swing between pride and shame and a placid acceptance had emerged, except when the spotlight was on her, the old conflicts resurfaced aching to be resolved.

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