Hospital work dragged her, day after day, she moved though her feet felt like paper weights. She felt submerged in an ocean, splashing of waves deafened her to human voices around her, except the cries of pain which could break through her emotional shell in to the core of medical analysis. The papers carried photographs, and interviews, she breezed through that. She sometimes took the trouble to explain, to her colleagues, why she chose to come back, but they were enamoured of what they did not know, sceptical of her choice, suspecting some hidden agenda. She had to prove her commitment to continue as a doctor, it became a series of ordeals . Post graduates, who monitored the work of under graduates, in the government hospitals, treated her as an object for entertainment, commenting on personal aspects of her appearance. If she smiled while she talked, they would conclude she was seeking sexual attention. Small errors, in her management of a patient caused long commentary; she had to resort to either her feminine wiles and guiles or a show of her feminine vulnerability , to be treated on par with other students. If she succeeded it would be attributed to being a woman , if she failed it was because she was a woman……to be dehumanized by gender ….was all that she experienced.
Even her intellectual competence was regarded as a sexual challenge by the bright young men; she began to lose interest in the work. She spent many nights reading theories, hoping to be more accurate, and avoid confrontations with authority. But when she answered questions during rounds of the Professor, they would make her feel as though she had back answered. When she chose to be silent, they would jeer ‘There is no director to prompt here’..Her patients saved her, they did not care for her filmy image, they responded to her warmth. She became more susceptible to Rake’s attention, as a respite from the harassment of the hospital.