I thought it was highway hypnosis, the way he answered every song that I hummed with another in the car drive. He converted a musical monologue in to a dialogue. I was humming songs to forget death, to me that was reverence for life. He was reminding me to live, they were love songs. Why did I start singing lullabies? Did I know he had not slept in years? Or was I missing my mother, who got jealous when father listened to me more keenly than to her? He stopped the car at a motel, drank as his family felt disrepute and innocently small. He looked at all the wrong places and it was enlightening to know he did not judge lust, he understood it. But he judged virtue to be a sham, he did not understand it…..we passed a temple of Lion man. I felt a flash of a struggle. He fought fathers. All his life, the reasonable, the unreasonable fathers in general ….And all of a sudden I wanted my father like a little girl. I wanted to go home and not to the green room.