WILL YOU LOVE ME LESS AFTER MAKING LOVE ?

First it was force

Next it was for the one

I was a dish to be eaten with greed

Every touch merely created a new distance

If I touched in return, a suspicion followed

About the origins of a knowledge

That may be just coded in the X (wrong) chromosome…..

Enforced passivity like stone or death

Bruises or bites, intimacy of violence left me cold

It was more like making hate

I grew closer to a star in the window with passing nights

Darkness became familiar in the corners of a body

Not seen by light or lens of human eyes ….

All the mindfulness was it just foreplay?

A clever ploy for a fulfillment where I was excluded

Witnessing a mute tear of loneliness with in

Growing hopeless by the hour

If you say you love me

I am afraid you will love me less after making love…….

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15 thoughts on “WILL YOU LOVE ME LESS AFTER MAKING LOVE ?

  1. this reads like a poem in which a lover is telling a new lover her fears of a failed love “every touch merely created a new distance,” but all her attempts to find love after this were meant with repulsion and suspicion, “if i touched in return, a suspicion followed.” which takes us back to the line “i was a dish to be eaten with greed.” two things here: first, those who rush a dish do so because they think they have no right to the dish; second, they lack an appreciation of the dish, to them, the dish isn’t something that nourishes, but something to sate a lack. is this about a woman confessing rape to a new lover? well, the first answer may lie in the line “darkness became familiar in the corners of a body,” meaning though she met someone good enough (star) the act of the greedy feeder has left an unconscious distrust of everyone else. is this about the effect of rape on a woman who has now ‘found’ love? well, the second answer could lie in the line suggesting her privacy became out of bounds to men, “Not seen by light or lens of human eyes.” hence, the question, “all the mindfulness was it just foreplay?” she is afraid the advances of the new lover might just be “a clever ploy …,” like the uttering of wasted ‘i love yous.’ for having been hurt once, she is afraid that after the appreciation of the ‘dish,’ the eating may not be satisfactory. the derision and ‘suspicion’ whenever she reached out has created a self-induced paranoia. the lover speaking has self doubt, and it is understandable. making love is an intimate act, something you share with someone consensually, not to be taken by force (‘intimacy of violence’) not meant for ‘making hate,’ and not to be an epilogue to a mindless ‘foreplay’ of deceitful ‘i love yous.’ i just love the transition, “i grew closer to a star in the window with passing nights.” the imagery of light/hope in this line is very powerful. brilliant poem.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Admire you for picking on the hope 🙂
    Distance between stars seems lesser than distance between humans when there is violence that masquerades as intimacy.
    Yes , often all the appreciation towards a woman ends with the last or supposedly the best compliment of ” Making love” , I know generalization is a cognitive error .
    Women feel as cheated when it ends as men feel when they do not ” get” her into bed…..
    But poetry is to express an irrational feeling and kindness to self with all the accumulated errors either as reactions or as innate . ( I apologize for defending an error , though you seem to have gathered the origins) Heart can not be dictated by reason especially after pain… 😦
    Being understood is a lovely feeling.
    Your insights are needed and appreciated.
    Thank you *

    Liked by 1 person

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