I do not want to live said a 12 year old

He was mute for 6 months. After the untimely death of mother. Paternal aunt did not want to divulge the reasons, said the woman was adulterous , she should be dead. The boy looked  at me with those haunted eyes of a deer…..He looked at the photograph of Mother Theresa in the room…… I asked him to draw a picture…… he took the black pen….. A long strand of my hair fell on the white paper ….. he looked panicky….. I removed it….Just a strand of hair…. I smiled reassuringly…… I  asked write one word …  hoping to get something in free association he wrote ” Con -Science” and scratched it with black lines….. Mother had consumed  hair dye , bought by the son….. Child thought he had murdered his mother…..I arrived at this by two more clues…..scars of those left behind after suicide… he finally sobbed ” I do not want to live”

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8 thoughts on “I do not want to live said a 12 year old

    1. Speech is often a gift from mother , who constantly teaches a child to talk …. the mutism here had to do with guilt towards the mother , mixed with anger that she chose to leave him. This loss of speech in the absence of mother was the most resistant element in grief. It is truly difficult to articulate grief of loss of mother. Thank you for your comment .

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    1. Science claims to deconstruct conscience as a social indoctrination of right and wrong , imparted by mother , father to keep a society intact. But I find that conscience is above science. And a child loves his mother , he bought her hair dye since she asked him, later she consumed it to kill her self, the child felt guilty for her act , it was very painful to see .Though here conscience was ringing to a misplaced emotion , I have often found it to be the voice of sanity. Faith is beyond reason , hence conscience is beyond reason.

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  1. I am a psychiatrist by profession, Draw a Person test , Draw a House test, sentence completion test , Write a word , these are some of the projective techniques used with children , to access their mind , when they are not talking . Even play can be diagnostic and therapeutic,
    Conscience serves two functions
    1) To tell that you are guilty
    2) To tell that you are innocent.
    Thank you for the question .

    Liked by 1 person

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