Afraid of working 24X 7

yet not helping  another to live

instead hear he died at his own

hands…….

 

Afraid of loving a man

who may see me as an investment

not paying the expected dividend

or as a photograph that

got folded in all the wrong corners

 

I am afraid

To live in a house with

a mirror with out a reflection

An opaque surface where nothing

Is impressed.

I am afraid of preferring to talk

to a stone than a man one day

 

I am afraid of thinking Intuition

is just a random choice

Not a gift of God.

 

I am afraid of sending e-mails to

my self , hoping to be understood

By a thief who will be interested

enough to break genuine friendships

But will never offer me company

 

I am afraid of getting addicted

to a routine with consistent

sparks of creativity helping

others , fooling my self to think

I am making a difference or

I am not like disposable

contact lens that never is worn

to sleep..

 

I am not afraid of drama

I am merely afraid of calling it a

reality  since I believe it as a reality

 

I am not afraid of death

I am afraid of dying

 

Dying life

Like mortals

Living death

Like immortals

 

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9 thoughts on “NOT AFRAID OF DEATH

  1. as someone familiar with your work, and as someone who has collaborated with you on some love-filled poems, there is just so much angst in this piece that bothers me. without meaning to judge you or this poem, i just want to share a passage with you from “a course in miracles.” “your fear endows what you fear with the power to hurt you. you believe in what you value and when you are afraid you are valuing illusions. truth and illusion then have equal power in your mind and this destroys your peace” (17). if it makes any difference, you’ve helped me become a better human being. so, it really troubles me to read this: “I am afraid of getting addicted/to a routine with consistent/sparks of creativity helping/others, fooling myself to think/I am making a difference or/I am not like disposable/contact lens that never is worn/to sleep.” i cannot speak for others, but you’ve made a difference in my life, and i believe the good we do for others is the rent we pay for our room in heaven.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you so much .
    Sometimes , when we are helping and still misunderstood as doing something selfish , It does hurt.
    Insight does cause temporary sorrow to my patients , I am helping , I know it is inevitable . Insight comes later with out me , comes earlier with me , because of interpretations I do hold them through that process. Rarely it does hurt to know I did it alone for my self that is why I know how to protect another even when they are gaining insight in to their misery , and it causes more misery at first to know how much you contributed to it your self. Yet that is the first step towards redemption.
    Self doubt is necessary ingredient of psychological work that I can not express at work place, since I need to show a face that is overconfident , even brazen at times. Professionalism demands it. But I am not doing a drama , I am human , hence fallible like the patient too. Yet I try my best not to do that. And most people in India want to believe doctor is a deity or a demon and not human like them.
    There have been serious attacks on doctors in Maharashtra, we had to protest.

    At a personal level , thank you for that affection , it has helped me more to be understood by you. Especially when I was being misunderstood often.
    Much gratitude always.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Do you know, continuing from earlier conversations, I wish I could just give you a hug and tell you everything is ok, love yourself for the beautiful person you are.

    Liked by 1 person

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